familiar entropy

there's a disorder in my house. people think that they see it in me, that i'm unique, but i have nothing compared to when i'm with my fam. progressive entropy is very much a driving force that pulses within our veins. i realized this last night as i was talking with my father. it was not so much the words he was using, as the elephant nose that he was strapping over the stem of a pumpkin, afterwards adding a scarf so that it kind of looks like lawrence of arabia. or a jewish woman. after the elephant nose he put a groucho marx disguise on another vegetable to go along with the arab. this would be more odd had my little brother not been similarly occupied a few weeks ago (a flying monkey magnetically attached to the light fixture and a tiger in an blow up electric chair). i myself was feeling almost dignified as i curled my hair for my costume the next day. then i saw the butterfly wings and that all went to pieces. before i knew what was happening i had two pairs of tights on, fuzzy hippo slippers, and was skipping around trying to gobble. luckily, as we learn in chemistry, randomity is a natural thing that is actually a driving force in the universe. that makes me feel better when i get dismayed expressions as i prance by people on my way to p.e. hugging a box of trix. (do you really expect a fool to go anywhere without her bag of tricks?)

bye bye birdie

the cold wind blew through the little bird as she slowed down and came to a stop. it was not as graceful as she might have hoped for, but it got her down to the ground. the penguin stared back at her, slightly taken aback at the disheveled creature. why had she come here? indeed the bluebird was contemplating this herself as the icy wind cut her to the core. she was not at home in this colorless landscape. if her back wasn't to the jacana, she might have bolted right then, if she had come at all. being who she was, the jacana knew more about her little friend than the bluebird herself did, and put her in the situation she had needed for the last six months. the bluebird relaxed slightly. the penguin didn't notice, but had gone back to the edge of the iceberg to watch for fish. at length the little one breathed a sigh of relief. her mind at ease, she brushed the snow off her wings, tensed, and took flight, the jacana following closely behind. though outwardly nothing noteworthy had occured, an inward door closed that had been letting in a draft.

an odd thought

the bird launched into that air as though from a cannon. back to her domain, she soared through the sky that was colored just for her. the cool wind flowed through her feathers, taking her preoccupations as it left her. this was where she belonged. this was where she found peace. alone she flew along the currents she knew so well, they might have had names. no one for comparison, she was the almighty, the perfect one here. though the space around her to others might have seemed empty, she knew better. it was filled with the life that pulsed throughout her little body. as light as the air around her, here she could soar.

theme song

Bigger Than My Body - John Mayor

This is a call to the colorblind
This is an IOU
Stranded behind a horizon line
Try to be something true

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Chorus:
Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be
Something much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body
Gives me credit for


Why is it not the time?
What is there more to learn?
I've shed this skin I've been tripping in
And I've never quite returned

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Chorus

Cause I'm bigger than my body now

Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines
And it might be over in a second's time
But I'll gladly go down in a flame
If the flame's what it takes to remember my name
To remember my name, oh

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Chorus

Cause I'm bigger than my body
Bigger than my body
Bigger than my body now

i'm glad that while i may be liMited sometimes, what you see is Not all you get, and i won't Always be this way. it helps to dampen the blows from life and school my temper.

eff and gee

robert's craft may seem like a harmless enough store. but that's just what they want you to think. naively you walk in for something simple, like ribbon, that a craft store would have. but there's something in the scent of wood and scrapbooking supplies that is not so innocent. before long things start to blur together and suddenly you're standing outside the doors cradling 20 dollars worth of wood, glue, paint and paper that will eventually find themselves as haphazardly half-finished projects on the study floor. such could have been the case with an excusion i made to said store yesterday. they were having a sale! they have a Five Dollar ice cream machine! and Cute New charms! and Hemp! and Paper! and...BUT! by cleaving to my focus (and leaving my wallet in the car) i scrapped by with my ribbon and pompoms.
such an accomplishment deserved a trip to see the snakes and mice at the pet strore right next door, so, once again, leaving my wallet in the car i went to smash my nose against some aquariums. however, with the lingering fumes of puffy paint i underestimated the appeal of domestic aquaculture and found myself with 25 cents worth of goldfish riding shotgun next to the pompoms. i was at a loss for a clear, non-cooking related bowl when i got home, so little eff and gee were poured into a rather chubby vase, which i then tied the robert's ribbon around.
the weirdest part, which may come from robert's or too many hours sitting sleep-deprived in a plastic desk, came right as i was going to bed:
if f= the golden fish in my bathroom, does f'=
a) the fish's children
b) the fish's parents
or c) the fish's swimming pattern?