trade me seats, anyone?

i've occasionally felt that in the play of life i'd do best as a side character. honestly, they get to watch the whole thing from the best seats in the house and just have to interact once and again as the comic relief.
most of the time i can sit back and watch the play, but for some reason i've been thrust into the main light for this section, and i am more envious than ever of those blasted side characters. truth be told (if you look at the last paragraph, we are being honest after all), my current situation would probably be Hilarious if i were not tangled up in the middle of it. it's followed me to work and my coworkers are having a field day.
what's even more frustrating is that yesterday i thought that i had come to a good conclusion. i made a decision, but then i got home and things changed again, so now i'm back at square one. Curses.
can i be changed into a cow and go home?

due to my dizzying intellect...

ever found yourself disoriented on your own front doorstep? awkward.
i had a date tonight. he's really tall, which is fine, i'm used to tall people, but as he walked me to my door a realized exactly how tall he was. normally, i don't hug people around the hips. especially on the first date. so i was going to just stand on the step for an extra half-foot, but i took a step and he took a step too. now what do i do? i take another step and he'll follow me again, stepping down won't help things at all, i'm still short, he's still tall...ummm...luckily in my confusion he took a step down again. i seized the moment and made my getaway. safe!

appropriation

i am giving a talk tomorrow at the local senior care center. i don't have a topic. my family suggested chastity.

cheese vs. yogurt--it's in the culture

alice rocked back on her heals and shifted her toes in her shoes, puzzled yet again. smoothing her frock, she tried to think of what she said that now had the caterpillar in a heated self-discussion. at least, it made more sense for him to be talking to himself; he jumped subjects so quickly that alice felt slightly dizzy from just trying to listen.

as she continued to watch the excited insect prattle on, alice slowly began to string a few of his words together like beads for a hodge-podge necklace, but his response still made very little sense in relation to what she had said. afraid to say anything else that might further agitate the life-sized bug, alice simply nodded to reassure him in his point, plopped heavily into a sitting position on the ground for which nanny would have scolded her, and sighed. the words the caterpillar spoke were familiar to her, but it was far from the same language.

3x5 -- john mayer

I'm writing you to
catch you up on places I've been
And you have this letter
you probably got excited, but there's nothing else inside it
didn't have a camera by my side this time
hoping I would see the world through both my eyes
maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm
in the mood to lose my way with words
TODAY skies are painted colors of a cowboy cliche'
And its strange how clouds that look like mountains in the sky
are next to mountains anyway
Didn't have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world through both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm
in the mood to lose my way
but let me say
You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
NO more 3x5's
I Guess you had to be there
I Guess you had to be with me
Today I finally overcame
tryin' to fit the world inside a picture frame
Maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm in the mood to
lose my way but let me say
You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
no more 3x5's
just no more 3x5's