between Wrinkled voices
Faded images
painted with an Aged brush
Dusty memories
pulled from a Forgotten corner
Cracked laughter and tears
Worn thoughts and cares
Timeless emotion Recalled
reNewed
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my speech pattern broken,
thoughts written, not spoken.
it's rather a curse,
this usage of verse.
i'll stop this mad trend,
put to it...
----
thoughts or opinions on either are appreciated. both were fairly spontanious and rough (as in 2 am rough). i love fall and spring! oh! and summer! i'm not doing so well on my challenge. i'll try and catch up tomorrow.
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3 comments:
I like them a lot. As I've said before, I'm no good at editing poetry. It's too...nonconformist. The fact that I can't edit these is a big sign that they're pretty good; I just edited a total of 29 pages from various sources and wrote the two most brutal, blunt, and harsh letters from the editor I've ever written.
you're getting more critical as an editor then? that's good, i suppose, it makes it a better story. just don't kill it, ya?
thanks for the thought. should "cracked..." or "worn..." come first? i had some trouble order-wise.
I don't think I'm getting any more critical, I'm just less squeamish about saying what I think. Especially since the last two people I edited have given expressed desire to be edited harshly/bluntly. One because she hates dancing around the bush and the other because he feels like he has to "catch up" with the rest of us because he hasn't written for years. Neither of them got any lecturing on grammar; the letters were entirely narrative-based. That should make them happy.
Now that you mention that, I think those lines could use switching. Sort of a progression of thought thing.
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