to speculate

i would have written speculations, but that's already been taken.
the beginning of school has always facinated me. i love to just sit back and watch the dynamics of everything fall into sync. the first few days are very telling. the teachers aren't quite sure how the classes will work together and the students aren't sure about either the teacher or the class, schedules are up in the air, social status defined, subtle habits formed (like always going to the drinking fountain right before a class, or only slinging the backpack over one shoulder from one class to the other), everything swirls in retro colors for those first two/three weeks and it's so cool to watch. just realizing that almost every move leaves an impression, stirs the mix just a little. (ex: i was dancing with cameron the second week of ballroom, we had to switch, cameron pushed me towards ryan whom i danced with and he asked my to homecoming the following day. which set the stage for the drama of my sophomore year).
i find myself talking more in my classes this year. to the teacher. i think that it's because most of my classes are smaller and with people who are the brainballs of our grade. when a question is posed, everyone is quiet, so i answer the question, or comment, or ask a question of my own. not sure what to do about that. so far the teachers haven't minded, but i've been pretty mellow in class so far. thinks tend to get weird around me every once in a while. hmmm... time to ponder.

give me some of that hair!...

...long beautiful hair! grow it! show it! LOng as you can grow it, my hair!
has anyone ever heard that song? it's weird. it makes me laugh. but i cut my hair yesterday. no worries all, it's not a chop. i would be dead from multiple ends if i did that. she cut off a little more than an inch, layered, tapered, textured, and thinned it. i dunno, it's hair. it smells good though! it's weird to have hair that's not thick. my hair actually is smooth in a ponytail now instead of being a roiling mass of poop-brown stuff, as my brother calls my tresses. crazy.

campo/The Morning

i thought that we weren't going to have it this year because of the cove, but we went to a neighbor's cabin for two nights. *snort* "camp" this year had electricity, inside bathrooms, running water, fans, and mattresses (we had a disco party last night. :) singing, dancing, flastlights..what more could you want?). yep, that's
roughin' it. but it was fun. it was more like a retreat, and nice to have right before school starts. i got to have friends that were girls (they laughed at
my feeble attempts to be girly...i have hot pink polka-dotted toenails now. they're pretty rad. you should see them.), and i got to be away from my family, closer to nature.
i loved the mornings! there were BiG window on the second floor where we slept, so
i woke up with the sun both days. God definitely is a morning person. He loves all of his children, and gives All of them the Beautiful day, but for those who
are willing to sacrifice (sleep) for Him, He gives them the Morning. the Morning has...how can i put it? there's the Gorgeous Sky, the cool air, and just the
serenity that comes with it. it's like He made it just to tell YOU Good Morning and He Loves You. nothing else matters. plus no one else is around and...arg.
it's a just a feeling and i can't convey it. am i making any kind of sense at all? i wish that i could show you. it's important. *sigh* anyway...

ocpd!

*just as a pre note so you understand better, we're thinking that there may be stalkers in our neighborhood, so everyone's been keeping an eye out and being a little more careful. which is Really Good. but anyway...
it's thursday, so i woke up this moring at just after four to get ready to go to the temple. i hadn't heard from doug all week, so i assumed that i would be driving myself, so i didn't turn on the porch light like i would if i were going to carpool. when i popped the garage door though, doug's car was out front, so i closed the garage door and walked out to his car. as i was going down my driveway, the cop walks up holding a flashlight.
"do you live here?" he asks.
"yeah..."
"so do you know this guy?" (by this time doug had gotten out of the car and come over)
"yeah."
"where're you goin'?"
"to the temple..." (we're both in sunday dress)
"alright; we got a call from one of your neighbors that there was a suspitious car outside your house. we thought that we'd better check it out."
"yeah, doug's my ride to the temple this morning. thanks though." (another cop shows up from the opposite side of the street.)
"sorry about that, have a good day you two."
"thanks again. good day to you too."
so i was kinda shaken (cops, paramedics, and city officials make me nervous), but it was amusing to think that two ocpd cops were closing in on doug when we were headed to the temple. so that was my morning. that and eating half a plate of bacon with a plate of eggs and french toast. MmMmM. Yum!

and it came to pass...

as the year approached the time of harvest that the i went forth to drink from the living fountain. and such was the magnitude thereof that much of my time was spent sifting through the words that rose from the dust, striving with all my strength in an effort to understand them. such a goal was hindered by my brethren. knowest thou the difficult affixed to drinking from the fountain amidst the contentious cries of a wookie? or such contentiom and would drive man to the deep recesses of the wood that thereby he might escape? i say unto thee, nay. nor wilst i that thou shouldst aquire an understanding, for such a knowledge leads to wandering paths and mists of confusion.
and verily i approached a part of my goal, yeah, even one half, that the eyes of mine head did beging to be heavy, and my mind to become as though it were stew, even stew that had gone the way of all the earth. yeah, and even the words which i did speak were of a peculiar nature.
thus, i did releave my hands from their task for fill moment and did my belly. and now my brethren, i wouldst that thou shouldst know of the sweetness of the fruit that cometh from the tree of life. for it is most sweet above all others.
and now, having refreshed my mind and lightened my soul, i must return once again to the word, for such have i been commanded, and such is my desire, and i make an end. amen.

terrible teens

have you ever had the feeling of everything changing in quicktime? or just being pulled back, out of yourself, and having to watch for a minute before you realize what's going on? sometimes i am completely bowled over by the people that i think that i know. they act so out of charater for the person that i think they are and i can't figure out when or what happened to the person i knew. am i that way? i have to think that this is just a common sentiment, just part of being an adolecent among her piers, but it's unnerving to think that yet another part of my enviornment is not quite what it seems and the illusion of stability is just that: an illusion. sometimes i resent having to go through the adolecent phase; having to watch everyone's and my own insecurety. it's so disorrienting. being a teenager is like going through the terrible two's, except everyone is bigger and you can talk more. but then, two year-olds can be the funnest things sometimes. i guess that those are the times that you want to focus on, and just suck it up through the others. oi.