ch..ch.ch..changes

it's very fascinating to me to watch the people around me, and myself, change. i'm very different than i was this time last year. i hope that it's for the better. i like to think that it is, but then i also like to think that i walk with a saunter, which i know isn't true. i am better friends with even better people this year. i've made friends with people that i didn't really know before for some reason and it blows me away that i have such good people around me. and from getting the occasional input from outside, it really is happy valley. :)

song of the day:

you can hear it too! fnt! semisonic.com/music/default.asp you can download the song. it works in mozilla, not sure about explorer. good song though. makes me smile. :)

Silence

deaf tuesday is hard, but in a way that i didn't expect. i miss the sound of my own voice. i miss using my ears. it's not as much communication (i could write) as just feeling a real lack of input. sound disassociated after a while and it wasn't that hard to ignore. especially since i already shut off my ears when i'm in the hallways at school. but right now i really miss talking to myself and listening to the radio. i hear stuff in my head, but i want the vibration of my eardrums and my laranx. *sigh* i'm excited for tommorrow morning.
it was pretty entertaining to watch the different rxns of people around me as they tried to deal with me being deaf. my favorite was marcus, with his sign language that looked like an interpretive dance from the senior citizen center. and when he covered his face and exprected me to lip read...:D actually that happened a lot. people would talk louder and not look at me when they said stuff, but expect me to understand. hmmm. someone's a little confused.
one benefit though to being deaf is that many of the conversations are on hard copy and i can now cherish them forever. if only i could get preston to write down the conversation we had in p.e, and get his rxn to his present on tape....hee hee. that makes me laugh.

Happy Unbirthday!

i've always been at a loss as to what to do with myself when it comes to my birthday. i love the presents, but i don't know how to handle the attention. i never felt like it's that big of a deal. i'm one day older than i was yesterday. yay! like when your car click over to show that you've put another mile on it. i didn't do anything to deserve anything, and nothing Suddenly happened. i just feel awkward. maybe it has to do with the fact that my mom feels obligated to follow social protocol and throw a party. when you come from an anti-social family, this doesn't really work. and still, every birthday, the same thing: what do you want to do? do something. plan it, send out invitations, make sure everyone wears sunblock. or even though she hates to shop for me (she's completely lost when it comes to my taste and generally gets it wrong), no matter what, my mom Won't use a wish list. oh well. i'll survive. I LOVE my Family, and Mom in spite of being silly. i'm silly too, so we match. and my Friends. i LOVE them too. :D

seizing the day

we had a quiz in calc that took up the majority of the time. we then answered questions from the homework, wrote down the next assignment, and were dismissed. i start in on my homework and get through the first leg of it just fine. then i get to the second leg and smash into a hot brick wall. i have no idea what's going on or how to do it. i look through all my notes, check the internet, the chapter explanation in my book, then my ap review book. i spend at least and hour and a half with nothin' in the bucket bob. so i go in early to ask ms. lonsberry, but there's a faculty meeting that last till the bell rings to go to class. perfect. after school i go in, and after i explain she looks at what i have written down and says, "oh honey, bless your heart! (aka: you were a blundering fool), all the homework that i gave you was the first section! the rest was the BC homework! we haven't gotten there yet." yeah, i felt smart. today was nerd day too. i forgot to dress up, but nobody noticed because i still fit right in. :) as to to emphasis it anymore, they were serving kiwis for lunch today. they haven't had those for a WhiLe. i refrained and only took 2. believe me it was hard. but we're sitting eating lunch, and matthias comes over AND TAKES ONE OF MY KIWIS!! No Way! i chased him to halfway across the parking lot before he got tired and gave up, returning My kiwi. the swedish mafia had taken my other one by then. i about tackled her in the wet grass. instead i glared her down until she reliquished the fruit.
....i know it's a fetish and i'm weird. leave me alone.other than that there've been several amusing and semi-enlightening encounters. having nancy home is the best! she helps me to understand things so much better and to think before i act. plus the atmosphere of the RM is very entertaining. she's going to a singles ward, so guys will call for her fairly frequently. i answered the phone yesterday to this suave deep voice. i actually ended up with his “7 digits to heaven”, but they were for my sister. *sigh* oh well. :D so that's my life, some editions made (from what you know about me, do you really want to know ALL that goes on in my head? even i'm not sure how i would answer that question.).... i need a nap.

inside thin lines

it seems that the boundries between things are very thin. a popular one is the border between genius and insanity. another good vs evil. when you're up against that line, one bad move and you're over the edge. that's why you stay safe and far as you can be on the good side. the line i have in mind at the moment however is the one of structure. it's a very tempermental. too much and you're strapped in a straightjacket with no wiggleroom to show who you are. conversely, if there is little or no structure you're drowning; no foundation to stand on. in order to be creative, or think and express yourself, you need the right amount of sturcture. it's a fine line to walk. teachers, especially english teachers, often have a hard time knowing where this line is. those who do are the cream of the crop in their profession. it's one attribute that the best of my english teachers have possessed. foundation with room for creative expression.